Director's Statement

The making of this documentary has been an odyssey, a story of good and evil, love and friendship, intense emotion and personal growth. And that’s just behind the scenes. This journey began on a bench in the Chamber Gallery of one of the oldest state houses in the United States of America. I sat on that bench in Massachusetts surrounded by people of all colors, creeds, orientations and ages, listening to legislators debate my future. I barely breathed for five hours. I was sad and angry, I was thankful and proud. But most of all, I was awed and inspired. For I was witnessing a discussion of enormous historic import, the implications of which were just beginning.

Outside the chamber, emotions blustered like the cold February wind that blew inside and outside the chamber. Protests echoed through the halls, opposing views reverberating off opposing walls. Signs, stickers and chants announced each person’s opinion. What issue could cause people to rally day in and day out during the legislative process? Not the budget, transportation or even taxes. The debate is over marriage, a social institution with deep roots in civil, legal and religious life that has become synonymous with love and commitment. When I left the Massachusetts State House that night, February 11, 2004, I embarked on a voyage to discover the people embroiled in the debate over same-sex marriage.

I became a storyteller because I recognized the power of stories in my life. I am a filmmaker because I believe the media is a powerful force in society today. The stories we hear through the media inform how we understand ourselves, others and the larger world. My mission as a filmmaker is to respectfully use this awesome medium as a means of stitching stories about what it means to be human, into the quilt of humanity.

I envisioned a film about same-sex marriage to which everyone could relate on some level. Audience response has proven this film achieves that goal. THE GAY MARRIAGE THING tells the stories behind the signs. Stories lived by people on both sides of the marriage debate. I chose quite deliberately to speak with people who did not agree with my life, let alone my opinion. People ask me if this was difficult. My answer is always a resounding yes. But that’s the point. True discussion and communication is often difficult. It is easy to ignore your opposer’s humanity while they ignore yours. It is less work to scream and shout than to take the time to find the right words to speak in a civil manner. It is less frightening to cover your ears and avoid hearing another’s story.

My hope is that this film will artistically promote discussion over shouting, communication over violence. If THE GAY MARRIAGE THING does nothing more than open a dialogue between two family members, co-workers or friends on opposite sides of this debate, then I have done my job as a filmmaker.

~ Stephanie Higgins, Director